Ask the Urban Dater: What do Guys do When They’re Lonely?

I’m sorry your man has made you feel like every single woman is a threat! I’m sorry on behalf of single women that some women don’t care that men are in marriages and in committed relationships, they do not speak for all of us. I’m sorry that another woman’s clothing choices have your man staring at her. I’m sorry that you project your unstable relationship on to other women. Most of all, I’m sorry that you are with a horrible person, you deserve better girl! Furthermore, it is not my fault that you are insecure. It is not my fault that you assume all single women are threats. It’s not my fault that some women don’t value marriages or relationships. It’s not my fault that your man stares at my ass or breasts in a sexy dress; I did not wear this for him.adulty friend finder

AND it’s not my fault that you probably deserve better so don’t project your insecurities on me! I discovered that my sister’s friend Janet is one of these insecure women. At a birthday dinner, I discovered Miguel (Janet’s husband) is a flirty person. The sole reason I never noticed the flirting in the past was because there was never a one-on-one connection. At this dinner every single time he would try and hold a conversation with me, Janet would literally drop whatever it was she was doing at the time to include herself in our discussions, OR if she was in an active conversation herself she would pretend she wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. This went on all night and began to make me uncomfortable. I started to dodge him, and I was counting down the minutes till this night was over! Because of her insecurity, I couldn’t enjoy my night. Our conversations were not memorable and the least bit inappropriate but I could see it all night she was trying to “figure me out”. I’m not part of my sister’s friend circle, and there are other friends in her circle who are single but I honestly think she has them “figured out” and therefore deemed non-threatening. I think subconsciously I have always felt that hint of judgment coincided with the judgemental stares that insecure non-single women gave me. You know that “bitch he’s MY MAN” stare. Their stares are always met with my “girl!

NO ONE WANTS YOUR MAN” glare. If you are the lucky women who have an incredible significant other that makes you feel loved and secure, kudos girl! You deserve it! If you are one of the insecure women described above or feel upset by these words, then it’s time to reevaluate your situation, stop living your daily life always at war with other women, and please stop trying to “figure us out” it’s gotta be exhausting! Newsflash to all of this insecure women stuck in marriages and in committed relationships, I’m sorry that you are going through your situation but as Jordyn Woods once said: “I don’t need your situation.” Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook18Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: #singleladies #losangeles, los angeles, single Online Dating Can be a Real Bitch… Most of the people who come to this site are women. Which can be great. I enjoy the fuck out of women. With the holidays upon us, I’ve thought lot about why women get frustrated with dating online. The fact of that matter is that my male brethren kind of suck. That is, we’re all a bunch of dorks; turds and general fuck heads who have little idea about what to do or say on a date.

I’ve given countless dating tips on this here site. I’ve done it so much for dudes. So I’m going to share some of my own insights and hopefully they help you. LIE ABOUT YOUR Profile Information Look, us guys are visual creatures. Not too many guys are looking for what a women’s interests are. They mostly just don’t do that. So what do they look for? Let’s see, race, age, height, physical build; basically physical stuff. This should come as no surprise.

Guys want a nice looking package; good arm candy. The compatibility part, or set up woman is actually a good person and not a sundering thunder cunt is typically secondary if not tertiary in importance. What? I’m telling you to lie!!? Well, yeah, I am. Look. If you jack up your height to a ridiculous figure, 6’5″ plus, or 4ft nothing, and, perhaps a body type of huge or bodybuilder (or similar, whatever your dating site allows for) you can get around many of the messages that the general doofus will send. Many men will “carpet bomb” the fuck out of dating sites, sending the same message to tens or hundreds of women at a time.

Our Twitter Account Could Use a New Couples Photo for Our Header Image. Maybe Yours!

Fudging key stats such as age, weight, height etc can give you a fighting chance and not get buried underneath the weight of douche baggery that often trolls dating sites like POF or OkCupid. That said, in your profile itself, do be honest about the shit you fibbed on and state why. No one likes surprises… Tell Tale Signs You Should GTFO… For the uninitiated “GTFO” = “Get the Fuck Out!” Yeah.

Here are a few things to watch out for. Lots of talk about sexual preferences before you’ve actually had the sex. Sure, it’s nice to know if there’s chemistry. But, trust me here, you’ll know if there’s chemistry that will result in Bedtime Olympics based on a whole lot of other stuff not regarding sex. To me, talking about sex early on is like putting the cart before the horse. If a guy initiates this talk it’s probably best to walk the other way, unless you want something that’s uncomplicated by stupid shit like commitment and feelings n’ stuff.https://topadultreview.com/ Talking about Moms and Exes. Look. Both items are crucial topics to be dealt with in time. My relationship with my mom has ups and downs, like a quantity of folks. Bitching about my mom isn’t likely to get me into your pants now, is it? Also, while I’m quite fond of my ex, I shouldn’t be talking about her with you on the first few dates. If you would like ask me how that relationship ended, that’s okay, but if I go on and on about her, that should be a red flag. In fact, you may be wise to back off initiating a talk on that subject, unless you’re trying to gauge what sort of dude you’re dealing with.

approaches to Let a Dude Down Be honest — Tell the guy “I’m just not feeling any chemistry here” and be done with it. It’s not easy, but it’s direct and will get your point across. The One Armed Hug — Hold your face away, look away, throw a quick one-armed hug around the dude after the date, if you’re not interested. Bonus points if you give him a hi-five instead. That’s such a dick move and one I find hot… Just not when it’s done to me. =) If your date didn’t get that you weren’t interested and you don’t want to be a complete bitch and ignore him. Reply in way that doesn’t invite conversation. Close-ended responses are the best approach in my opinion. You’re not leaving things open to conversation and you get to not be a total bitch to some random fucker. Really, just see #1 and do that, bitch!

Gosh! Letting Someone Know You Want More… Inevitably you’re going to meet a guy who isn’t a dork, who fucks you right and makes you yearn for him and consider the possibility of a real future. Good for you, asshole! You’re a winner! =) But how do you let a guy know that you’re anxious about him, want him to wear a chastity belt and basically do your bidding without sounding like a complete psycho-bitch head case with daddy issues? Well, as a guy, I think it’s pretty easy. What it comes down to, for a woman, is that she wants to know that this guy is actually a good guy. She wants to know she picked someone who will be true; who won’t judge her and that wants to be a partner in crime. Fair enough.

At some point we all want that. Have the talk, if you feel like you need to have the talk. I honestly don’t get women who are afraid to talk about how they feel to the guy they’re dating. He’s either into your, or he isn’t. You talking to him will either bring you closer, or send you off on a quest for Mr. Right, again. How is this a bad thing???Tell the guy that you like him, that you really want to take things to the ‘next level’ and see where things go. Communicate what you want. It’s likely that you’re not looking to just fuck around, so state that. If a guy is on the same level, he’ll be relieved and if he isn’t  a complete boob he will communicate his feelings as well. “But what if he’s just not ready?” Well, that happens. And I encourage you to be patient. But if you need to know, girl, then you need to know and you need to put yourself nowadays. If a guy can’t commit, it’s his loss and you need to move on. Introduce the guy to your family.

This is the step beyond introducing him to your friends. When you introduce a guy to your family that’s telling to him, unless he’s a complete nincompoop incapable of discerning social cues. If that’s the case, you lose, find another dude. But, I’d say that bringing him around your family, or at least giving him the option to hang around your family should tell you if he’s ready for something more serious. What does he do? I’m adamant here. His actions tell a story. Whatever it is that he does; whatever his actions are, they will draw you closer, or push you apart. That’s just nature, kids. If he’s doing things to bring you closer together, having the talk should be a no-brainer. If you can’t tell, then you probably have more issues than a magazine stand and you are your own fucking problem. iF that’s you GTFO and fix yourself!!! Hopefully these tips help you navigate the waters of online dating. If they help, let me know!

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Soon it’ll be Valentine’s Day, the holiday devoted to celebrating and affirming love.

Just Friends? Turning a Good Friendship into a Successful Relationship

For many couples, this means candlelit dinners out, movies in, or romantic trips for two.  Couples in long-distance relationships, however, are not always as lucky. Sound familiar? If your significant other is across the state, country, as well as ocean this Valentine’s Day, consider spending the day assessing which staying-connected techniques have worked best in your long-distance relationship. Even better? Invest in one or more of the following apps, which were created to document, strengthen, and add some amusement to every couple’s relationship. Avocado Turns out, avocados grow in pairs. Likewise, their trees produce fruit when grown near each other.

Taking inspiration from the loving nature of avocados, Avocado is an adorable app for couples wishing to privately and regularly keep in touch. Think of it as a virtual memory lane that you will create with your significant other by: Sending cute messages (“I miss you!” or “Do you need anything at the store?”), sharing photos, managing events in a shared calendar, and creating and sharing lists (from a grocery list to a vacation checklist). You can even send virtual hugs and kisses! The app vibrates when you place your phone against your chest or when you kiss (…or tap on) a picture of your significant other. HeyTell Want to leave something short and sweet for your significant other to listen to later? Download HeyTell. Like a private voicemail account for you both, the app is fast, direct, and only accessible by your significant other. Great for on-the-go couples, HeyTell offers a nice pick-me-up at any point in the day. Tokii It may seem like an odd concept to answer feelings-based questions via app, but then again your significant other’s emotional state can be the one thing you know the least about on an hourly or daily basis. Not anymore. Tokii lets your partner know how you’re feeling, and lets you know how your partner is feeling. Answer simple “I feel…” or “You make me feel…” prompts, set your “Daily Mood” (on which your partner can comment), or play any one of the app’s DiscoveryGames, therefore the rest of the positive work is up to you both. Rounds Video Chat Hangout Want to hang out with your significant other on Valentine’s Day but can’t in person? Check out the Rounds Video Chat Hangout app, which allows you and your partner to chat live while also sharing media—listening to music, watching videos, playing games, or viewing pictures—via multiple viewing modes on your phone or tablet. You can even lovingly doodle on each other’s live video streams (for instance, draw a heart next to your loved one’s face), add video effects, or take snapshots from the live chat and share via social media. TheIceBreak: Much like Tokii, TheIceBreak is there to help you understand and get to know your partner better.

The app is even offering an incentive: By answering fun questions publicly or privately, users collect Date Night Coins to exchange for local restaurant discounts! Share photos and messages on your significant other’s private wall, and if you feel the need to voice an issue, you can even your partner’s overall communication, support, and even your relationship satisfaction. For some, numbers carry more weight than words. Treat When you just want to be sweet, consider creating a personalized greeting card from Treat, the recently revamped app by Shutterfly. Choose from Treat’s 900+ designs, add personal photos, and customize the text and physical delivery date (meaning you can schedule a card ahead of time so as to avoid being forgetful on the actual date). You can even include a small gift, such as a gift card or mug, for an additional cost. Though the app is free, the cards and postage have a cost. To save money, invest in the Treat Card Club, which allows you to buy a certain quantity of cards in a bundle at a discounted rate.   Andrea Fisher is a writer, blogger, and content specialist for DTV Packages. She has appeared in a variety of publications, including the Chicago Tribune and Business Insider. Check out more of her tips @andreafisher007 or on Google+. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Apps, Couples Apps, LDR, long distance relationships, Relationship Apps, valentines day Dr. Fisher and numerous anthropologists, psychologists, and neurologists alike all agree that love “on the brain,” exists. MRI scans support that the same areas of the brain that light up when experiencing highs from drugs, light up when you’re in love.

Therefore, breaking up doesn’t act but rather, performs as addiction withdrawal. So when you’re hurting like there’s no escape, don’t blame yourself. Blame your brain. After reading several studies and articles, I, someone who is currently amidst a love withdrawal herself, can find some comfort and even solutions. That’s right. We can deal with heartbreak, in a practical and scientific way. Reward Love fires dopamine into your brain. In the basest terms, love may be called a “goal-oriented motivational state.” Motivation and goal-oriented behavior reign the caudate nucleus, the brain that acts as a modulator for the dopamine reward system. The caudate is a feedback processor, using information from past memories (with loved ones) to influence future actions and decisions. That’s why we all seek a feedback to kickstart that dopamine process again. Repeatedly. That kiss, touch of a hand, that misty-eyed look, that heart-racing phone call, or that sudden gut-wrenching text. It also explains why even though our partners are gone, our brain is still on “reward-mode.” Memories remain along with the urge to keep sustaining them. “Love on the Brain” by Rihanna I have this lovely image ( and the memories to support it) of my loved one.

So to not have the continuous same happy feedback by their continued positive presence, will of course, wreak havoc on my brain. Redirect Fisher’s research team, published in the Journal of Comparative Neurology, conducted a study in which post-break-up participants engaged in cortex-stimulating tasks like… “pay[ing] your bills, balance[ing] your checkbook, play[ing] Scrabble, memorize[ing] a poem, play[ing] with Legos,” to detract the lighting up of love-laden brain regions. Time heals. Especially, with more cortex-stimulating distractions. Awakening old passions and discovering new interests are all stimulating. They help with the break-up now, but also, in the long-run. Because your brain is spiking in other areas. Reconstruct Laslocky recalls what a scientist explained: “In the case of a lost love,” he told me, “if the relationship went on for a long time, the grieving person has thousands of neural circuits devoted to the lost person, and each of these has to be brought up and reconstructed to take into account the person’s absence.” This extremely hits home. Countless neurons and countless triggers can remain.

That’s why the no contact period effectively disrupts that “network” of entrenching romantic memories. It’s enlightening in that that’s what memories are made up of. Just that- neurons. I’m able to remember something, yes, but also, I’m able to remember it again, with a new context and new understanding. There comes the reconstruction. That’s where personal growth barges in. Well, it depends, on what stage of the break-up you’re in. The time…. we made out in the park, transitioned from romantic to immature to cherished to finally teachable.

Reframe Love is a decision. Love is a mind-set. Breaking up ensues heartbreak. Heartbreak is still…a decision. Heartbreak is a mind-set. And just like any learning experience, your mind and view of love can expand with the Growth Mindset (Carol Dweck, Stanford University) as opposed to Fixed. The growth mindset is the perspective in which our character/characteristics can continuously change ( with an upper and exponential outcome). Take that, brain! And if love, if nothing else, is really simply, a motivational reward system, why can’t we achieve something else again? Why can’t we reward ourselves again? Moving is when you Set your mind to move on.

Moving on isn’t the finish line but the starting line. What comes next. Is. Anything 😀 Here are references (and cortex-stimulating reads) for your benefit: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/this_is_your_brain_on_heartbreak (Morgan & Fisher) https://elemental.medium.com/you-can-force-yourself-to-fall-out-of-love-16c7a409909e (Laslocky & Fisher) https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/ (Popova & Dweck) Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Men, For Women, Self Tagged in: #brain, #break-up, #love, #moving on, #neuroscience HIV and Sex Toys We all know that staying protected during intercourse is important, but did you know that HIV transmission is also possible by sharing sex toys? Bodily fluids remain on sex toys after usage and won’t go away until they get washed. Meaning that if one user is HIV-positive, then the virus might be passed to future users. It’s uncommon, but it has unfortunately happened before. If you want to share that rabbit vibrator with your GF, BF or BFF and you’re unsure about their sexual history, then read on to find out more about how to keep yourself safe. Beware, Don’t Share! When it comes to sex toys, sharing is NOT caring. You will have no risk of being infected with HIV from sex toys at all if you don’t share sex toys with anyone. If you never share your sex toys with anyone or use sex toys that belong to someone you don’t know very well, then you don’t need to worry about protecting yourself from HIV. In some cases, though, sharing is something you’ll still want to do.

Maybe you and a new sex partner want to explore toys together.